


I'm not enough

by who_seeks_shall_find



Series: Life as I see it [67]
Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: Conversations, F/M, Family, Father-Son Relationship, Grandparents & Grandchildren, Love, Unresolved, Worry, post-season 6
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-10
Packaged: 2019-06-24 08:26:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,684
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15626715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/who_seeks_shall_find/pseuds/who_seeks_shall_find
Summary: William is upset when he thinks about how his grandmother didn't want him to be part of Oliver's life.





	I'm not enough

**Author's Note:**

> This is a part of a series about Oliver's imprisonment and a year after it. This drabble takes place after Oliver's imprisonment. He has been out of prison for 359 days.
> 
> The series will be updated once a day (if it's just possible). It's going to include 122 drabbles about Oliver, Felicity, William and other characters who are involved in their lives. It's going to take approximately four months to finish the series. The drabbles are linked to each other but they're NOT in a CHRONOLOGICAL order. That's why, there may also be gaps or blanks which are filled in later.
> 
> I wish that every character is respected without unnecessary hatred.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

William rubbed his forefinger and thumb together while he read an article on his tablet. The article was about Moira Queen and her life as a pillar of the society in Starling City. William also bit his lip as he continued reading. According to the article, Moira Queen was powerful figure with a hint of stubbornness. She had done many terrible things but she was also considered as a good mother who loved her children. 

William had read the article, which was profiling his grandmother, at least for hundred times. Since he had found it after googling his dad, William hadn’t been able to forget the article. It was like he was addicted to it and he couldn’t let it go. Somehow the article bothered him but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it why it was so disturbing. 

William sighed heavily and scrolled down. There was a picture of William’s dad and aunt with Robert and Moira Queen. William had seen the picture many times when he had the article but he always wanted to go back to it. On the picture, his dad was still a young boy and his aunt Thea was a baby. Robert and Moira Queen smiled sweetly at their two children. Their smiles were full of love and adoration as they looked at their children and for some weird reason it made William’s heart sunk into his stomach.

William wasn’t sure if it was jealousy but it didn’t feel right. William wasn’t jealous of his dad having a good childhood with wealth and two loving parents and an adorable little sister. William knew he was loved and adored by his dad and Felicity so there was no reason to be jealous of such a weird thing. William zoomed closer to everyone’s happy faces and he leaned forward. 

The closer he brought the screen of his tablet, the more upset he got. William had to shake his head so he could clear his thoughts. Nothing made sense and he just dropped the tablet on the kitchen counter in front of him. It was like he was hurt by the fact that his grandmother had loved her children but she hadn’t loved William. Raisa had told the story about how Moira Queen had paid William’s mother for erasing them from Oliver’s life. 

William’s grandmother hadn’t wanted William to be near Oliver and she hadn’t wanted to meet her own grandchild. She had loved her children so much but she had just despised the thought of William entering their lives. What made him so unlovable before he was even born? The thought of his grandmother not wanting him made William feel gutted. He was also worried. Was there something wrong with him?

He ran his hands over his face and let out a frustrated growl. Simultaneously, his dad walked into the kitchen and looked at William worriedly. Oliver asked: “Are you okay, buddy?”

“I’m fine, dad,” William answered and plastered a cheerful smile on his face. How could he explain his dad what was bothering him? Moira had been his mother after all. Besides, his father hated talking about his past.

His dad frowned but nodded. Then he walked past William and took a peak of the tablet laying on the counter. William panicked and tried to grab the tablet so he could switch it off. Yet, his dad was faster with his unnaturally good reflexes. Oliver took the tablet from the counter and narrowed his eyes as he looked at the article and pictures. 

Oliver asked without turning his gaze back to William: “Why are you reading this profile article about my mother?”

William looked down at his shoes and he mumbled: “It’s interesting.”

Oliver put the tablet back on the counter and pressed his hand on William’s shoulder. William refused to meet his eyes when Oliver asked: “Did you google me?”

William nodded silently and he didn’t lift his head. Then Oliver stated: “You know the rules, William. You should ask me or Felicity before googling anyone close to you. The online material about us isn’t pleasant to read.”

“I know that but I was curious and I have done it many times before. I spoke about it to Raisa,” William said in his own defense.

Oliver frowned once again. He put his forefinger under William’s chin and lifted his head gently. They looked straight into each other’s eyes as Oliver said: “I don’t think you should google me again although you have done it before.”

Then Oliver took a deep breath and he continued to inquire: “What did you talk about with Raisa?”

William shrugged and pressed his lips tightly together while he thought of his answer. Finally, he responded earnestly: “We talked about your childhood and your parents. I wanted to know what kind of a kid and teenager you were. She answered a few questions because she was so close to you when you were a kid.”

“Why didn’t you ask me? I’m positive that I know my own past pretty well,” Oliver teased half-seriously.

“You know why, dad,” William said annoyed and Oliver looked at him in a surprised way.

“I’m serious right now, buddy. I actually don’t know what you’re talking about? Why did you think, I wouldn’t share things about my past?” Oliver asked confused.

William threw his hands up in the air and answered frustrated: “Since when you want to talk about your past? You never talk about Lian Yu, China or Russia. You never talk about your parents or your dead best friend, Tommy Merlyn. You even hate it when I ask about your time in prison.”

“Slow down a bit, William,” Oliver said and squeezed William’s shoulder comforting. William’s chest was heaving violently after his burst. He couldn’t quite catch his breath, either.

Oliver looked at his son worriedly when his breathing didn’t slow down. William was obviously upset and Oliver put his both hands on William’s shoulders. He said: “Concentrate on breathing, buddy. Follow my breathing.”

William did how his dad instructed. He followed his dad’s breathing and he tried to concentrate on his dad’s hands on his shoulders. They stood there for a moment but eventually William felt a bit better. He had no idea why he had become so upset. Suddenly, it just had been hard to breathe. 

Oliver nodded at his son and motioned towards a chair. William wrinkled his nose but sat down on the chair as Oliver kept hovering over William. William waved at his dad dismissively before saying: “I’m fine, dad.”

Oliver didn’t look convinced but he didn’t want to insist. Instead, he asked while knelt in front of William: “What do you want to know?”

“I don’t know,” William admitted. There were so many things he wanted to know but at the same time, he was wanted to know nothing about his dad’s past.

“What did you ask Raisa?” Oliver asked and encouraged William to tell.

William rubbed his face with his palms before answering. Then he leaned backwards and started: “I asked stuff about your friends and school. I was interested in what you were like when you were at my age. I guess I wanted to know whether we’re so alike or not. Everyone always says how I’m just like you.”

“That doesn’t seem so bad. I’m sure Raisa could answer those questions,” Oliver said relieved.

“Yeah, she could answer many questions,” William agreed quietly.

“Why were you interested in my childhood?” Oliver asked kindly.

William’s eyes snapped at his dad’s and he took a deep breath that he exhaled slowly. William explained: “It is a school project. We’re supposed to tell about our parents and find similarities between our childhoods. The point is to find out if our parents have been raised like we are. We also talked about sociocultural background and stuff like that.“

Oliver nodded in understanding and smiled at his son. He said: “Do you need to know something more?”

William played with his fingers and he considered whether he should tell his dad what had been bothering him. Yet, he didn’t want to make his dad uncomfortable. William knew he already felt guilty of those years he had missed. William didn’t want to add anything to that burden. His dad shouldn’t feel guilty of what his mother had chosen for him without his consent. Besides, there was nothing either of them could do anymore.

William decided not to tell his dad - at least, not today- so he shook his head vigorously. Oliver asked again: “Are you sure?”

“Yeah. I’m sure, dad,” William reassured him as he rose on his feet. He wished his voice had sounded more convincing.

“Okay,” he answered but it didn’t erase the worried look from his face.

They stood there for a while and neither of them was willing to move. Finally, William took a step backwards and grabbed his tablet. He jerked his thumb over his shoulder and mumbled: “I think I should go to finish my homework.”

Then he turned away and left his dad standing beside the kitchen counter. As William was stepping over the threshold, Oliver exclaimed: “William.”

William turned to face his dad who took a few hesitant steps towards him. He said: “You know you can ask me anything, right?”

William blinked a few times and Oliver rushed to continue: “I know I don’t talk about my past but it has nothing to do with you. Sometimes it’s just better to leave some things behind you. My past is also my demon. Nevertheless, I’ll try to answer your questions when you’re ready to ask them.”

William’s bottom lip trembled a little and he took a ragged breath. He answered simply: “Thank you, dad.”

Oliver gave a small nod and went on: “I need you to know that you can also tell me anything.”

William shifted uncomfortably and looked down to his shoes. He muttered: “I know.”

“Anything,” Oliver repeated in a quiet voice.

William felt a bit torn apart but he just couldn’t tell his dad about his worries concerning his grandmother. Maybe later.

**Author's Note:**

> Update for tomorrow:  
> Oliver wants to know why Felicity married him.


End file.
